I have so many emotions and feelings and just I can’t really put it into words. MKE has been over for a few weeks and I’m still a little behind but I am continuing and I am going to have everything done before the next part of master key starts. There it’s in writing now, I’ve said it so I will do it. I have been so slack on all my readings and every activity and I have noticed a HUGE HUGE HUGE amount of the old insecurities and lingering sadness cloud me again. I didn’t realise just how much all of these little activities helped until I stopped doing them so regulary. I have decided to sign up for the lifetime membership. I mean why not. I would love the opportunity to do this again and again until I GET IT.
Let’s rewind to week 22. The webby. Ah the silence. I am planning my silence now. I have a picture in my mind of how I want to do it. I want to go away by myself to a little cabin in the hills and take a journal and let it spill out of me. At first I felt like a little winded and worried and then nausea thinking about just being with nothing. Strange emotions to be feeling just working listening to the webby in my headphones. But after I thought about it, I have become so excited. I honestly mean it. I can’t wait. People think I’m crazy. But I have this really strong feeling that this is going to the big jump for me. I will know after this, I can feel it in my bones.
I put it out into the universe (instagram) to make my imagination a reality with cabins and homes and air bnbs recommendations and a girl I know sent through one so magical and special, I knew it was the one instantly. Thank you universe.
I really put myself out of my comfort zone this week. As instructed. I downloaded bumble bff. It’s like a dating app but for friends. I thought fuck it. I want like minded friends. Going through this I feel super disconnected to most of the people I once knew and gelled so well with. It makes me feel a little sad but I know that right now I’m just really figuring out so much stuff and sometimes it’s okay to not be as close to some people. But this app is so great, girls are raw and real and not afraid to be like yeah this is against all social norms but who cares, I wanna connect to you. It’s magical really.
I’m going for a 16m run tomorrow because I CAN DO IT (even though god it’s been a while haha) and then meeting one of the girls for brekky.
Good night universe. I’m grateful for the rollercoaster.