HHHhhhhhhhHHHHhheeeeeEEEEEEEyyyYYYYYYYyyyyYYYYYYY!

My emotions this week are a bloody rollercoaster of up and downs.

My chore this week was to unclutter my photos and do a little tidy up of my photo album on my phone. I did it no worries but it definitely brang up some emotions. I used to be super social and then I stopped and began to go into my head a lot more the past few years. It was crazy because I could see it with my photos. It was like a little timeline of when it all started. Ever since I first started looking within last November I have become even more in my head. I just feel like I have so much searching going on sometimes I am super disconnected from reality. I’ve made a note to include in my next DMP revision that I REVEL BEING FULLY PRESENT IN EVERY MOMENT.

I’ve had a few struggles this week but also a few great experiences. Positives first – I’ve started really getting into my reading of my DMP and greatest salesman and I’ve gotten over the fact someone might hear me. Might do them some good anyway hahaha. I’ve really started enjoying utilising my group on Marco Polo. I always have so many questions so I’ve started shooting them through and I’ve gotten some great responses. So feeling grateful about that. My main struggle this week is I was feeling unsure if I was 100% positive I knew what my two PPN’s were. I had Liberty and Helping Others but I did some recent soul searching and found my DMP and whole lifestyle really is all about TRUE HEALTH.  For me that means physical, emotional (always been a super emotional person – I cried during the land before time the other night, but honestly anything sets me off hahaha) and more recently spiritual. So that was a bit confronting because I want to help people too, I have always wanted too and I definitely should want too. I thought I was being selfish. But I have to be honest with myself and even though this is a week 3 post I’m catching up so reading both week 3 and 4 master keys at the moment so this quote really helped me make the decision. 4:20 – ‘We cannot give unless we get; we cannot be helpful unless we are strong.’ So being selfish is okay for now. Because I know I will use my power to help others after I have created my Dharma.

I also love the fact we have crossed out the will in the Greatest Salesman. Feels so much more powerful. So much easier to FEEL IT and BELIEVE IT.

Please let me know if you are having any similar feelings about the first couple of weeks. Would love to hear from you!

PS – some blogs I found inspiring, check them out!

https://blissyu.com/master-key-experience-2018

https://bitcoindivas.home.blog/2018/10/12/blog-week3

PPS I’ve uploaded this as my screen save just for some more friendly reminders to focus on the shapes and colours on our index cards!

Holy Fuck.

Thanks for letting me swear. If swearing stirs an emotional response in you well… that’s how this week has got me feeling. Shake shake shake.

I used to love to read. When I was a little girl, I’d go to the newsagent around the corner and just sit on the ground and read all the magazines. On the weekends I’d get my parents or my grandma to drop me at a library and I’d spend hours reading the descriptions and picking a book. I still get that same feeling when I’m in a bookstore but I really struggle with finding time to read. Or I guess my old blueprint does. I still remember around about the time I dulled my love for it. Primary school. Being a scrawny adolescent with crooked teeth and a love for books over interaction with people didn’t make for a good time. I’ve realised after watching the webinar I starting pouring cement over myself back then to try and fit it. And even though over the years I have tried to get back into it, it’s never to the extent it was. It is really really deep down under the layers. I know I have always been a dreamer. I am a pisces after all. But I don’t think I have ever in my entire life known EXACTLY what I was meant to do in life. What my purpose was. I’ve started and dropped out of university courses numerous times and I have never really ever finished something I’ve started. I always start to doubt myself. It’s starting to make a little bit more sense as to why that is now.

In October last year I went through a pretty intense betrayal and heartbreak. I had been through them before but I see now I wasn’t ready. But last October something changed in me. I was living in Canada at the time and I flew to Mexico after it happened. Honestly it’s a huge story but I ended up on a yoga teacher training course through unreal circumstances (my karma I was about to learn). Which planted the seed in my mind about meditation, karma and buddhism. I was honestly mind blown. It changed my perspective instantly on my previous problem. I asked them why they didn’t teach this stuff in schools – LIKE WHY?! It could have saved me years of struggle. BUT they said that buddhists believe it’s bad karma to tell someone who isn’t ready to here it. And then I remembered. A few years earlier I was on a trip with two friends in Thailand and they tried to tell me about the law of attraction. I thought they were batshit crazy. It’s an ironic world. Because I was only able and willing to hear it after a personal tragedy years later. I’m glad it happened. It has started me on this incredible journey which has lead to this experience.

Anxiety has been a part of my life for so long. I constantly make lists in my head so this whole process has been a little consuming but I’m sticking to all the exercises and activities so far. I had a little doubt today but after the webinar I’m feeling hopeful and excited. I struggled this week with my partner. I read him my DMP he thought it was great. But then he said you know you need money for that. I don’t know how to explain it to him but I told him I didn’t want him to say things like that to me anymore because I know that when I want something with an earnest burning desire, I will create it.

I’ve started looking up words in the dictionary and my boss is also throwing some words at me I have to look up and relay to him. Blows my mind that for YEARS I’d skim past words I didn’t know because it was too much effort to find out what they meant.

The first time I sat for 15 minutes completely still, I LOVED it. I was on the beach and I was in the zone. The last few times have been difficult. Maybe change of location has changed my feeling about the experience so next time I am going to attach a different feeling no matter where I am and see how that changes things. Stay tuned.

I am still trying to figure out my purpose. It’s definitely a process. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now but I am really making this my number 1 priority. I usually go to bed at 9:30pm but here I am at 12:15am doing the work. Honestly I’m surprised at myself but I scheduled it would be done today and I always keep my promises so there you have it.

Going to go back to the webinar and snooze.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Bek x

 

 

 

Feeling pretty negatively about the last post but that was how I was feeling. Fighting this ugly stubborn blueprint seemed pretty bleak an hour ago but there is a calmness of getting SHIT DONE. I see some progress in my perception already. I finished my first draft of my DMP. I’m totally in the dark to if that is how it is meant to be written. BUT it’s a first draft after all. Looking forward to the second webinar. 🙂

So. Where to start. I am completely overwhelmed. My anxiety is at an all time HIGH! I am coming into the program 2 weeks late so cramming two weeks of work into a few days is pretty stressful. BUT I want these new experiences and so I am fighting my old blueprint to not procrastinate and go down to the beach. I haven’t received my copy of the greatest salesman yet and I am just about to start my DMP but I have just finished watching the first webinar replay and I am excited, nervous, eager and a little scared. I don’t know how to start to write my DEFINITE MAJOR PURPOSE! I don’t know if what I write will be enough or too much. I have been having a few problems with my email reminders too so that isn’t helping the steps but going to try and watch the digital solutions webinar and the OATS videos to try and implement everything I can to make this work. I feel very lucky to be on this journey no matter how hard it seems at present.

I can’t find survey 1 to fill in! Technology is great but I am very unfamiliar with it all so it’s taking my eyes a lot to adjust looking at a screen for prolonged periods of time. There is so much to do. I am a little lost to be completely honest.

I have already found it a bit hard to focus on catching up with my partner at home. He is already struggling with me not giving him 100% attention. I will take onboard what I was told in the webinar and sit down with him and explain why I am doing this and why it is important to me.

I’m going to start my DMP RIGHT NOW. Wish me luck!

LETS DO THIS!

Bek x