Master Key Experience – Week 2

Holy Fuck.

Thanks for letting me swear. If swearing stirs an emotional response in you well… that’s how this week has got me feeling. Shake shake shake.

I used to love to read. When I was a little girl, I’d go to the newsagent around the corner and just sit on the ground and read all the magazines. On the weekends I’d get my parents or my grandma to drop me at a library and I’d spend hours reading the descriptions and picking a book. I still get that same feeling when I’m in a bookstore but I really struggle with finding time to read. Or I guess my old blueprint does. I still remember around about the time I dulled my love for it. Primary school. Being a scrawny adolescent with crooked teeth and a love for books over interaction with people didn’t make for a good time. I’ve realised after watching the webinar I starting pouring cement over myself back then to try and fit it. And even though over the years I have tried to get back into it, it’s never to the extent it was. It is really really deep down under the layers. I know I have always been a dreamer. I am a pisces after all. But I don’t think I have ever in my entire life known EXACTLY what I was meant to do in life. What my purpose was. I’ve started and dropped out of university courses numerous times and I have never really ever finished something I’ve started. I always start to doubt myself. It’s starting to make a little bit more sense as to why that is now.

In October last year I went through a pretty intense betrayal and heartbreak. I had been through them before but I see now I wasn’t ready. But last October something changed in me. I was living in Canada at the time and I flew to Mexico after it happened. Honestly it’s a huge story but I ended up on a yoga teacher training course through unreal circumstances (my karma I was about to learn). Which planted the seed in my mind about meditation, karma and buddhism. I was honestly mind blown. It changed my perspective instantly on my previous problem. I asked them why they didn’t teach this stuff in schools – LIKE WHY?! It could have saved me years of struggle. BUT they said that buddhists believe it’s bad karma to tell someone who isn’t ready to here it. And then I remembered. A few years earlier I was on a trip with two friends in Thailand and they tried to tell me about the law of attraction. I thought they were batshit crazy. It’s an ironic world. Because I was only able and willing to hear it after a personal tragedy years later. I’m glad it happened. It has started me on this incredible journey which has lead to this experience.

Anxiety has been a part of my life for so long. I constantly make lists in my head so this whole process has been a little consuming but I’m sticking to all the exercises and activities so far. I had a little doubt today but after the webinar I’m feeling hopeful and excited. I struggled this week with my partner. I read him my DMP he thought it was great. But then he said you know you need money for that. I don’t know how to explain it to him but I told him I didn’t want him to say things like that to me anymore because I know that when I want something with an earnest burning desire, I will create it.

I’ve started looking up words in the dictionary and my boss is also throwing some words at me I have to look up and relay to him. Blows my mind that for YEARS I’d skim past words I didn’t know because it was too much effort to find out what they meant.

The first time I sat for 15 minutes completely still, I LOVED it. I was on the beach and I was in the zone. The last few times have been difficult. Maybe change of location has changed my feeling about the experience so next time I am going to attach a different feeling no matter where I am and see how that changes things. Stay tuned.

I am still trying to figure out my purpose. It’s definitely a process. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now but I am really making this my number 1 priority. I usually go to bed at 9:30pm but here I am at 12:15am doing the work. Honestly I’m surprised at myself but I scheduled it would be done today and I always keep my promises so there you have it.

Going to go back to the webinar and snooze.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Bek x